As we close out another year I want to be sure we take a moment to stop and reflect on what this year brought. Every day is a gift and every moment is a part of our being. It is an opportunity to choose who we are and who we want to be. Without taking time to reflect and embrace where we have been, we may repeat lessons that life is giving us to learn and grow through.
Here are my 10 lessons from 2019. I am sure there are many moe but these ones summed it up most.
1. The power of authenticity vs. vulnerability
I am an open book. I don’t have secrets and there is nothing about me I wouldn’t tell you. I thought this meant I was authentic. No, this is vulnerability. Authenticity is being honest and telling the truth. I realized the people pleaser in me, the girl who wants to be liked and politically correct was full of lies. Lying to myself and the people around me to keep the peace. Well this year I realized that doesn’t serve anyone, especially not the people who I thought I was protecting. I committed to being authentic, honest and unapologetic about who I am, what I want and how I choose to show up in the world.
2. The power of communication
With my new commitment to authenticity came a new level of communication. I learned to be honest with myself and the people around me so I had a lot more hard conversations that the old me would have talked about to my hubby and then kept it to myself to avoid conflict and to “be nice” or “not come off mean or rude.” When I started to be honest and communicate in the moment, I saw how often egos would be involved and miscommunication would take place because of not just getting it off my chest. I lived by the rule if I bring it up to anyone aloud, I must bring it up to that person who it involves. Most of us were raised to “lie” you know, sugar coat, beat around the bush, keep it to yourself, be politically correct…but telling the truth is POWERFUL and really does set you free.
3. The power of putting family over everything
Family has always been everything to me. That’s who I “do it” for. But this year I realized how I was building my life around my business and not my business around my life. I set major boundaries like no phone between 4pm and bed time, choosing to be present every single day with my kids even if only 10 minutes, it was more than before when “mommy had to work,” and the work never seemed to end. And with my extended family I realized how much being busy gets in the way of talking to and being with them as well so we set a new family tradition to talk more on the phone and meet up monthly for dinner. Work, laundry, dishes and to-do-lists never end so set boundaries for them and choose family over everything.
4. The power of being present
In the act of work, work, working and also having a family to take care of and many other things to do, I was not being present with any of it. I was not present for my work because I was focused on not being with family and I was not being with family because I was focused on work. I would spend lots of time dwelling on the past and worrying about the future and then I experienced the power of NOW! Life if NOW. Being present is the greatest gift you can give yourself and others.
5. The power of trusting myself
In the past I was so indecisive and would second-guess everything. When I learned to get quiet and listen to God, and depend on his word to guide me it gave me this new sense of confidence in myself and in the process. When I let go and let God I was able to trust myself and the people around me because at the beginning, middle and end of the day, God’s got me.
6. The power of Responsibility
I have always considered myself to be a responsible person but this year I learned that I am responsible for EVERYTHING. When things happen out of my control I still am responsible for how I respond and react, when things trigger me and make me mad it isn’t the person’s responsibility to not do that, it is my responsibility to look within and discover why it upset me and identify what gets to heal. When I make mistakes and fail and have a bad day, it is my responsibility to ask myself, what is the lesson I get to learn here? Who was I being? Who do I get to be moving forward? Taking full responsibility for my life was the biggest relief ever because although I cannot control the curve balls life throws, I can control what I do with them and who I choose to be because of them!
7. The power of having fun
My husband would always tell me I never get excited. Or express much emotion. I was always neutral. I realized from a little girl I would get my hopes up and then let down so it was safer to not get excited at all. I love to have fun, I mean who doesn’t, but I wouldn’t allow myself to feel all the feels and get lost in the moment. I thought I would need a couple drinks if I went out to let loose and have fun. But giving up alcohol and challenging myself to feel every emotion in the moment be it anger, sadness or joy taught me I can have fun and it feels good to be joyful and free without substance or intervention just tapping into the gift of being present and allowing myself to feel.
8. The power of Forgiveness
I don’t have enemies and on a daily don’t seem to carry any grudges. But as I dug deep this year I took an inventory of areas in my life I hadn’t fully forgiven people in my life. From my dad, my husband, my sister, my friends, myself, I had let little moments go unaddressed and turn into big parts of me. Not communicating my feelings with people I felt triggered or hurt by and ultimately not forgiving them was creating stuck energy and blocks leaving underlying feelings of ager and resentment. When I learned the power of responsibility, asking myself how I created this trigger and emotion and committed to being authentic and open, I found that forgiveness, compassion and grace became a natural by product.
9. The power of practicing what I preach
I am a master learner and therefore teacher. One of my gifts is the ability to consume information and teach it back. This has served me well in business and is a huge part of what I do and who I am. But it hit me this year more than ever that the teacher is often the biggest student and needs their own teaching the most. There were so many areas in my life I was not practicing what I preach. When I realized this, my life transformed, again, and I experienced massive shifts in my marriage, my parenting and my business. Now I pay close attention to areas I find myself preaching most, and making sure I am implementing them too.
10. The power of realizingI had it all along
Not just this year but this past decade I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and countless hours investing in self development and growth. I feel like I have done it all. I know I haven’t and I will never stop improving myself and committing to personal growth, BUT It did hit me this year that self development is not a fix me situation or a discovery of something I’ve been missing. I had been approaching it like just one more book, conference or mentor is going to be the answer, this time it will make me whole and complete and I will be ready to take myself on. I learned BIG TIME this year that It is an awareness of realizing who I have been all along. It is the process of peeling back the baggage that has covered up my true essence and getting in touch with my core authentic being. It is ultimately getting closer to God and realizing and believing that I am perfectly and wonderfully made. I don’t need to do anything to be enough. He made me perfect in his image and I get to trust and believe that. So the shift was to stop focusing on what I am doing or need to do and focus on being me. Being love, being kind, being present, being connected, being fun, being free, being authentic, being grateful, choosing joy, trust and forgiveness and ultimately being more like God, my creator.
What were your lessons learned this year? Which of mine can you relate to as well? Share with me in the comments, I would love to hear form you!