As my husband and I celebrate 8 years of marriage and I reflect on what it has taught me, I am so grateful that he and I are still very much so in love. We still get excited to be in the presence of each other, we aren’t just married with children.
Though there are so many things I could share with you that has contributed to making it last, and not just last but be healthy and happy, I wanted to share a few short and sweet things that you can apply right away!
So in honor of year 8, here’s 8 things I believe has helped us keep the spark alive:
We are a Team. In a sermon, my pastor once said when you are one with your spouse when arguments arise it is the two of you as one against the devil, not you against him. This has been a game-changer for me. When we argue I am able to snap out of a lot of them by simply reminding myself that the devil is a liar and he WILL NOT and CANNOT have my marriage and it creates this sense of teamwork to defeat the issue at hand versus a battlefield against each other. It empowers me to feel like I am fighting the devil, not my husband.
Communication. We communicate our wants, needs, likes, and dislikes. We keep an open line of communication to express ourselves and share what we want and what we need so that we can meet those expectations. I had to learn the hard way that my husband cannot read my mind. I had to swallow my pride and kill the thoughts that he should know what I want and figure it out and realize that all I had to do was tell him and he would get it or at least work on it!
The grass isn’t greener. I haven’t had a moment where I wanted to explore other grass, but this concept has definitely made me take care of my own. When we were getting married my uncle said “Remember, the grass isn’t greener on the other side and everyone has to shit. So find someone whose shit you’re willing to put up with and make it work.” So now when I have gripes with my husband I think to myself, I love this man and if it isn’t this gripe it’ll be another with someone else. There will always be issues in any and all relationships so don’t be so quick to jump ship or run.
Forgive often. One of my best friends once told me she thinks marriage is God’s way of teaching us to be more like Jesus. Jesus forgives and loves unconditionally. So why are we any different? Why do we get to hold grudges and not forgive our spouse and love them for their flaws and all? We aren’t supposed to. So this always reminds me to have grace, love, and forgiveness in my heart no matter what. We all make mistakes. So I choose to forgive, learn and grow from them, not run from them and give up.
Just the 3 of us. We made a covenant with God and we call upon his promises to keep our marriage. We keep a lot of our issues and arguments private and turn to God instead of outsiders for help. When we did marriage counseling the counselor told us to call on God and demand he holds up his end of the deal. If we are in it to win it then he will finish the work. So any time I feel like we are shaky, I call on God and ask him to keep our marriage and restore that which is broken as he promised.
No lurking. Privacy and trust are everything in a relationship and I violated this many times going through my husband’s phone and computer etc. It wasn’t until I realized that I needed to trust God more than I do my husband and to seek God more than I seek his phone that I was able to break this chain in my marriage and heal the damage it caused. I started praying that God would guard his heart and his mind. That he would correct and convict him if he ever strays and gets into situations he should not be in. It allowed me to let go and let God. I say this prayer every time the urge dwells up inside of me to go thru his stuff, I just tell myself, God’s got me! And I trust that there’s nothing to be found and if there is God is dealing with it.
What you think you become. I heard this in a sermon one day that we have to think the best about our spouse. Assume they mean well. So for example, if your husband comes home late and didn’t call, instead of blowing up and jumping to conclusions as I would have, she said to assume the best. The best would be something like he got wrapped up in a major project and all he could think about was getting it done because ultimately that’s how he provides for his family. Versus the worst something like he wasn’t at work at all and he must have been doing something, he wasn’t supposed to. This has changed my mindset and perspective in my marriage and I am able to create a lot fewer arguments and fights because of it.
Have Fun. Never stop doing the things you did to get each other. Never stop dating. Keep having sex. Do fun things together. Don’t let the day to day responsibilities of work, taking care of a house and kids, etc stop you from stopping and just being present with each other and doing what you used to do before all the extra stuff got added to the mix. Make each other laugh every day! And always kiss goodnight.
I hope this helps! I have soooooo many other things that have helped me like learning each other’s love languages, handling arguments over parenting and setting boundaries for phone time and the list goes on and on. I will continue to share but I wanted to give you these for now!
I also have been working on a summit where I interviewed 24 authors, experts, and speakers on how they are keeping the Spark alive in their relationships.
- Work-Life balance
- Date night ideas
- And so much more.
Enjoy our wedding video!!!